Article - “A society is defined not only by what it creates but by what it refuses to destroy.”

“A society is defined not only by what it creates but by what it refuses to destroy.” - John Sawhill

The place I come from is a very secluded village, quiet and hidden away safely from the mechanic clutches of the city; or maybe it was, once.  My childhood was spent lavishing on the boundless and sincere love of the village life, its soul and nature pure and pristine, innocent like new born. This reflected greatly in our relations where minds and life were not “divided by narrow domestic walls”. Everyone enjoyed a free and close relation with each other, and the bonds made there were always strong, lasting for a lifetime.

I must have been eight or may be ten when I went with my father on a journey to the celebrated ‘Guruvayur Temple’. We happened to come across a vehicle inspection procedure enroute and though we could have passed without stopping for it my father pulled to the side spotting someone. I craned my neck to see who it was and recognized David Uncle, a close friend of our family.

“Its David Uncle” I jumped up elated.

He was a Motor Vehicle Inspector and was busy verifying some paper works. I comprehended that he hadn’t yet seen us and so, though my father left me back in the car, I ran after him to meet David Uncle. There was a small gathering of people waiting to clear their paper works and my father approached him from behind.

“We’ll give him a surprise”, I thought and calculated how I’d give him a start showing an abundance of joy at meeting him and looked at my father who was about to speak.

He signaled me to calm down and in a very calm and composed manner began,

“Sir?”

 “What!” was my first mental response and I stood there confused as David Uncle turned. His face lit up but he did not lose deportment,

“Yes, where are you heading to?” he asked in very formal tone.

“Off to visit the Guruvayur temple Sir”, my father maintained his modesty.

“Why are they acting so weirdly”, I stood there unable to comprehend the situation. I thought at first that my father was teasing David Uncle for his strict and bossy behavior. But then I realized that their exchange was quite genuine. David Uncle excused himself from others for a while and came away with us to the side. The two were normal again talking like usual inquiring each other’s well-being and all. My father took extra care not to detain him from work for long and we were back in the car. When we were leaving, my father slowed down the car in front of him and took a formal leave resuming his respect and addressing him as “Sir” once again!

“Why are you calling him “Sir?””, I finally voiced myself unable to bear all this contrasting behavior.

 “Because, he is a respected person”, he replied calmly.

“But why? You never behave to him that way, why such modesty now?” I felt that I was losing patience.

“ Son”, he was calm, “ He has a position among the people who were around him. He is an officer and has his own dignity to preserve. Being his close ones it falls upon us as our duty to preserve it for him”, he paused. “If we were to behave freely with him then he would have lost his power in front of those people.”

The realization dawned upon me and I realized the immense duty of maintaining relationships. My father and Uncle David shared that special bond of the heart enjoyed by true villagers- the free and unreserved relation that was fully informal. It is that true relation which formed the basis of this great responsibility. My father just couldn't destroy the power and respect commanded by his friend.  The power of dignity and respect is something to be well-maintained and when the person enjoying these has strived hard to get them, it gravely rests on us that we should be careful to preserve them. Our honor comes from preserving other’s dignity.

 It would be very easy if we put ourselves in their shoes. How would we feel when we are commanding a group of people, mortifying them and establishing our power, when out of nowhere a friend comes and pats on our back shuffling out in a very informal language? The feeling is the same. It is our duty to respect the position of our near ones careful not to embarrass them.