Story - Two Wolves

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside

He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

We choose our own attitudes and outlook on life.

Story - Apache Seasons

Apache Seasons

There was once a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said “the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.”

The second son said “no, it was covered with green buds and full of promise.”

The third son disagreed; he said “it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing I have ever seen.”

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said “it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfilment.”

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up. “If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, the fulfilment of your fall.”

Do not judge others by just one event or "season" in their lives.

Article - “A society is defined not only by what it creates but by what it refuses to destroy.”

“A society is defined not only by what it creates but by what it refuses to destroy.” - John Sawhill

The place I come from is a very secluded village, quiet and hidden away safely from the mechanic clutches of the city; or maybe it was, once.  My childhood was spent lavishing on the boundless and sincere love of the village life, its soul and nature pure and pristine, innocent like new born. This reflected greatly in our relations where minds and life were not “divided by narrow domestic walls”. Everyone enjoyed a free and close relation with each other, and the bonds made there were always strong, lasting for a lifetime.

I must have been eight or may be ten when I went with my father on a journey to the celebrated ‘Guruvayur Temple’. We happened to come across a vehicle inspection procedure enroute and though we could have passed without stopping for it my father pulled to the side spotting someone. I craned my neck to see who it was and recognized David Uncle, a close friend of our family.

“Its David Uncle” I jumped up elated.

He was a Motor Vehicle Inspector and was busy verifying some paper works. I comprehended that he hadn’t yet seen us and so, though my father left me back in the car, I ran after him to meet David Uncle. There was a small gathering of people waiting to clear their paper works and my father approached him from behind.

“We’ll give him a surprise”, I thought and calculated how I’d give him a start showing an abundance of joy at meeting him and looked at my father who was about to speak.

He signaled me to calm down and in a very calm and composed manner began,

“Sir?”

 “What!” was my first mental response and I stood there confused as David Uncle turned. His face lit up but he did not lose deportment,

“Yes, where are you heading to?” he asked in very formal tone.

“Off to visit the Guruvayur temple Sir”, my father maintained his modesty.

“Why are they acting so weirdly”, I stood there unable to comprehend the situation. I thought at first that my father was teasing David Uncle for his strict and bossy behavior. But then I realized that their exchange was quite genuine. David Uncle excused himself from others for a while and came away with us to the side. The two were normal again talking like usual inquiring each other’s well-being and all. My father took extra care not to detain him from work for long and we were back in the car. When we were leaving, my father slowed down the car in front of him and took a formal leave resuming his respect and addressing him as “Sir” once again!

“Why are you calling him “Sir?””, I finally voiced myself unable to bear all this contrasting behavior.

 “Because, he is a respected person”, he replied calmly.

“But why? You never behave to him that way, why such modesty now?” I felt that I was losing patience.

“ Son”, he was calm, “ He has a position among the people who were around him. He is an officer and has his own dignity to preserve. Being his close ones it falls upon us as our duty to preserve it for him”, he paused. “If we were to behave freely with him then he would have lost his power in front of those people.”

The realization dawned upon me and I realized the immense duty of maintaining relationships. My father and Uncle David shared that special bond of the heart enjoyed by true villagers- the free and unreserved relation that was fully informal. It is that true relation which formed the basis of this great responsibility. My father just couldn't destroy the power and respect commanded by his friend.  The power of dignity and respect is something to be well-maintained and when the person enjoying these has strived hard to get them, it gravely rests on us that we should be careful to preserve them. Our honor comes from preserving other’s dignity.

 It would be very easy if we put ourselves in their shoes. How would we feel when we are commanding a group of people, mortifying them and establishing our power, when out of nowhere a friend comes and pats on our back shuffling out in a very informal language? The feeling is the same. It is our duty to respect the position of our near ones careful not to embarrass them.

Article - ‘Clothes Make The Man’

‘Clothes Make The Man’

On 18^th of this month (September 2014) I was to engage a Belbin Team Role Workshop for Emircom at Abu Dhabi and had to reach there by 9’O Clock (UAEST) in the morning. I usually pack up my executive suit in which I have to appear for my sessions and smarten up just before the sessions to look my best. But this time it almost seemed impossible given that I’d reach there only a few minutes before the session. Any delay on the way can gravely rob me off my time and patience. So I decided to deck up in my formal outlook rather than opt for casuals for the journey. My only relief was that I’d be in AC throughout the journey and took extra care that my outfit remained crease-free. My apparel was a perfectly coordinated array of expensive suit and tie topped off with a highly expensive Swarovski pen, which was gifted by my friend Mr. Shaji George from Ahmedabad, India, shining in my pocket; a very palatable appearance on the whole.

When I arrived the Airport at 3.00 am (IST) for my 04.20 am flight the crowd at the airport was far enough to deflate me. The Hajj season was on and there were almost six flights ready to take off that morning. The airport was a sea of travelers and visitors and the length of the queue was a thunderbolt on me. Lacking options I moved up to the end of the line dragging my two trolley bags after me incessantly praying for a miracle. I did a mental calculation of the time I’d lose on this everlasting line and peeped through the side to inspect the progress.

Did I pray for a miracle? Because here it was! I saw the security guard, a Sardarji, signaling me to advance to the counter and I got entry bypassing that outstretched queue. “May be they were all in a single group and might take a long time”, I justified to myself.

Inspecting my surroundings I realized that there were only a few people clad up for business and the majority was off to Hajj. This came to my advantage again when I got through two other sets of such enormous lines. It wasn’t long before an officer from Air India approached me with high respect and inquired which flight I was going to travel in. When I replied I was to take the Etihad, he signaled a lady who helped me evade all other possible hurdles that would have swallowed my valuable time. “This isn’t about the Hajis flooding the airport, this is my guise!” I realized with a shock. My outfit and deportment had done the trick, I was a well-preferred customer. What swept me away was the humble behavior of a security guard who has once had a clash with me. He was desperate to offer his help.

The magic cast by my attire was not yet over. After all the security checks were smoothly and pleasingly dealt with, the personnel from the Etihad approached me inquiring if I’d like to upgrade from the economy class to the executive class. I’ve always preferred the economy class to the executive for shorter journeys and so I declined the proposal.  The lady who had help me escape the grueling crowd now came to me with the most pleasing news,

“Sir, we are taking the privilege of upgrading you to the executive class, a superior version. We are happy to do this for you free of cost”.

“Not bad”, I thought and readily accepted the offer. And to think, all this was because of my impeccable grooming! This impeccable style of grooming, we term as “Power-Dressing” and my experience serve as a perfect example to define the term. Quoting from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, “the apparel oft proclaims the man”.

 I intend to extend this post to elaborate on the science of “Power-Dressing”.

A WELL GROOMED MAN

One should dress to convey a feeling of strength and dignity. It is a business tool and skill, which sets the emotional and physical climate for success. The way we dress affects the way people perceive and treat us. Dressing has long been a symbol of the role of status that an individual enjoys in a particular society, obtaining for them the rewards of recognition, approval and identification. By understanding impression management through appearance you can begin to plan your appearance and package yourself to generate an automatic positive response from those you meet in business and social situations.

Hair

·         Clean, neatly cut, not extending below the ears

·         Always well combed

·         Frequently shampooed

·         Kept in place and not oily

Face

·         Clean shaven

·         Moustaches well-trimmed- above the lip level and not drooping

·         Teeth: clean and white. Free from foul odour

Hands

·         To be washed regularly

·         Must wash with soap after every meal

·         No marks or stains

·         Nails: short, even length and clean

• Wrist watch should be a formal one and with appropriate size

Personal Hygiene

·         Bath daily and use a deodorant under arms

·         Brush twice and use a mouth freshener to keep your breath fresh

·         Avoid use of cheap perfumes and colognes.

·         Use a light perfume during the day

·         Wash face frequently to look fresh

·         Adequate rest at night adds to your good looks

Basics of Dressing

·         Dress should be clean and not crumpled

·         Your clothes should suit your body

·         Dress should be appropriate to the time, place, occasion and age

·         Fabrics, fit, quality, style and the like should be carefully considered

·         Latest fashion trends should always be kept in mind

Details

·         Well-coordinated, conservative colors

·         White/blue shirts with navy blue, grey or black trousers

·         Cream/beige/light brown shirts with dark colored trousers

·         Light colored shirts with dark colored trousers.

·         Well ironed and proper fitting should be ensured

·         No loose ends, threads open seams or missing buttons at the cuffs and on the shirts; the stitching below trouser pockets need special attention

·         Well colour coordinated and well knotted ties

·         Shirt pockets should remain empty

Shoes

·         Colour coordinated with the clothes

·         Conservative styles-Oxfords/brogues

·         Clean polished

·         Well repaired heels

·         Laces tied neatly and Socks clean and colour coordinated

A WELL GROOMED WOMAN

 

Hair

·         Long Hair

o   Should be left open only if it is shoulder length. It should not come on the face while at work

·         Avoid the following

o   Elaborate coiffures, knots or coils

o   Low loose knots tied at the nape of the neck

o   Oily hair

·         Short Hair

o   Should be cut in an elegant contemporary style which is manageable and looks neat throughout duty hours

Personal Grooming

·         Arms and under arms should be kept hair free

·         Always s use a deodorant

·         Perfumes should be of light and pleasing odour. Light eau-de-colognes are appropriate at work

Face

·         Eyebrows should be neat and well-shaped

·         Skin should be well cared for

·         Facial hair should be bleached or removed regularly

·         Use small and pleasing studs instead of ear rings

Make-up (Light and carefully applied)

·         Day makeup

o   Light subtle and carefully applied using shades like pink, peach and russet

·         Eye makeup

o   A light application of mascara, a light shade of eye shadow or alternatively a kohl application

o   Dark shades of eye shadows should be avoided

o   Dark circles should be covered with under-eye makeup

Blush on

·         Blush-on on the cheekbones along the neck is a must as it enhances your best features

·         Medium shades of pink and rust should be used during the day. Darker shades of blush-on e.g. red should be saved for the night. A soft orange looks beautiful on Indian colouring

·         If you are using a Bindi, it should be a small and simple (no designs and not oversized)

Hands

·         To be washed regularly and manicured

·         Must wash with soap after every meal

·         No marks or stains, henna designs are out

·         Arms should be hair free, with regular routine to ensure this

Nails

·         Should be well shaped with a light to medium color application of nail polish

·         Extremely long nails with enameled with very bright or dark shades of nail polish should be avoided

·         Nail polish should never be chipped. A good rule is to remove nail polish every three days. Of course nail polish need not be used at all, but nails must be well filed and clean at all times

Feet

·         Heals should appear clean and not cracked

·         Toenails should be well shaped and if you like, polished

Shoes/footwear

·         Low/high heeled shoes or sandals

·         Heals should not be more than 1.5 inches

·         Shoes and sandals should be in good condition. Foot wear in poor condition spoils entire image

Jewellery

·         Light authentic jewellery like a thin gold chain, a light gold bangle, small earrings (gold/pearl/diamond)

·         Artificial or costume jewellery in oxidized silver or plastic should be strictly avoided

·         Bangles should not jangle

·         Wrist watch should be a formal one and with appropriate size

Clothes (for Indian environment)

·         Saris must be well ironed. For cotton saris add a little starch.

·         The falls must be well stitched. Fabrics like kota-doria and organdy stay crisp all the day and need almost no starch

·         Avoid pompous and extravagant fashion dress.

·         Salwar Kameez should be of good fabric and well stitched

·         Western trousers suits or skirt/jacket of coordinated colors

There are many ways to groom and stylize yourself. I hope some of these guidelines will help you in some ways.

Article - Choosing The Right Educators

Choosing The Right Educators

My career as a Consultant takes me to varieties of people and institutions that never fail to present me with a direct or an indirect lesson. Good, or bad, painful or happy, these lessons are guaranteed to influence my outlook towards the world. Recently, I had to engage sessions at an MBA College which made me rethink the parameters of education in our country.

 The institution harbored a school-like atmosphere and the student-oriented system of the recent day is yet to lay light in the campus.  Before the session, the Principal presented me with a quite de-appetizing picture of the students: from poor families, lacking quality education, have no special outlook towards life,  not serious in studies, pays no good attention to the teachers, talks in the class, co-mingling between girls and boys… There was a huge list of unnecessary faults which were all negligible concerning the modern day world.

He finally stated “Sir, the institution would have been so much better if we had high quality students here. It is so very easy to teach them. These students are not up to the mark and the teachers have a very tough time trying to tutor them.” This reminded me of one of my friends, a lady at Harvard, who once told me that the teachers there were afraid to go the classes, as the students were so brilliant that any topic would be dissected to the core and every possibility would be analyzed with such acumen that the teachers always felt inferior to them! I realized instantly that the Principal was definitely mistaken. The teacher who accompanied me had the same complaints to make and taking me to students she greeted them in the tone used by nursery teachers; “Good Mo…..rini….ng Stu….dents….”.  She was greeted back in a much matured way and she began introducing me to the batch in English pathetically inflected with a Malayali accent.

Further into the day it was clear to me that the students were definitely at least a ten times better than the teachers in language and demeanor.  Later I learned that the name of the founder of the college and its relatively less tuition fee was what effected in this degradation of the quality of the institution. Moreover, agents were employed to canvas students to opt the college. The thought was quite unsettling. New colleges sprout up in every nook and corner of the country but there are only very few of them that ensure quality education, why is it so?

It wasn’t very hard finding the answer. I just had to give it a little more thought and the entire mystery unraveled itself before me like an open book to read. These new institutions are set up mainly by industrialists looking for profit, because “education is the new business these days!” The thought is disturbing, but this is the truth. An enquiry into the inception of any of these colleges will exhibit the names of business persons as its founder. The main motive is to reap money and sell education and this result in a drastic degradation of the quality of education. The focus is mainly on the name of the Institutions, their appearance and the empty honors of the teachers.

There are of course exceptions. There are institutions struggling to ensure quality by training the students in a more than satisfactory way making them worthy to be competent in the highly sophisticated world. I cannot hold myself back at this point from mentioning the Chaathankulam Business School where I experienced true vigor from the institution to make something out of its students. By patiently investing in education they try to ensure the quality of education and inspire the students to challenge their own limits. They seem to know the tactics to mould out the students and ready them for the competitions of the modern business world. The institution does act as an example for its creed. But in a general consideration there is more number of profit-hungry (financial) groups of educators than sincere providers of high-quality education these days. And it has become very difficult to differentiate one from the other.

“If your plan is for a year, plant rice. If your plan is for a decade, plant trees. If your plan is for a lifetime, educate children.” – Confucius

But when you do want to educate your children it is very important that the right institution is chosen for the task. Here are a few suggestions from my side:-

1. Learn about the institution well.
2. Do not value any institution by the grandeur of their infrastructure.  The number of pillars and the colour of paint cannot tell you the educational quality.
3. Do not relate the tuition fee with the quality of education. They seldom come in a faithful union.
4. Believe in the human infrastructure- the quality and skills of the teacher is what really counts in the classroom.
5. Never blindly believe the placement details and list of associate companies. The data may be of a total evaluation over the years and may not be of recent associations or placements. Moreover, there are agencies that work on behalf of organizations and getting placed in one such agency or outsource cannot be accounted as a post in the root organization.
6. Extensive research is required on the authenticity of provided details from the institutions. It may sound difficult, but a few enquiries with the alumnus should bring about a more authentic data.

Always be cautious about the institution you choose, because carelessness in the present can give you massive heart throbs in the future and later regrets will never make things right.

Story - The Circus Lion

The Circus Lion

Once there was a tamed lion in a circus who could jump through rings of fire and walk on hind legs. He could waggle his tail at his ring master and play along with clowns. He even climbed over the motor cycle and danced with the circus elephants. He was a very happy and proud lion.

One day while performing, he walked on hind legs holding in his mouth a ball the master had tossed to him and he saw the look of wonder in the little boy’s eyes who sat with a gaped mouth. All of a sudden the little boy exclaimed to his mother,

“Look how the King of the forest is afraid of a man!” 

The lion caught the dialogue and pondered on what the child had said. He asked the old circus monkey about it and it said,

“Yes my dear, that’s true. Lion is the King of the Forest. You are a King and not a slave. It’s a pity we can’t escape from here”, the old monkey sighed.

“King Of The Forest!”, he thought to himself and decided that he would run away soon. Before long the lion managed to escape from the circus and reached a forest.

“Now how will the animals know that I am the King?” he wondered.

Soon there came a rabbit and before the lion could say “hello”, the rabbit ran away. Then he saw a deer and wanted to say that he is their new King but the deer ran for its life. Time lapsed and no one waited for the lion to finish his sentence and he sat worried under a tree. Meanwhile, a fox came sneaking and scared the life out of his skin.

“So you are the new animal here, aren’t you?”, asked the fox.

“Yes I came to be King”, said the lion with an enthusiasm in his voice.

“But there is a King already”, the fox said with a twinkling eye.

“Who?” the lion asked with a drooping shoulder.

“Me” said the fox, “I heard that there was a pathetic creature wandering around in the forest scaring animals out of wits trying to say that he is the King. So I came to check who it was. You better leave because here I am the King”, the fox stated.

As soon he had finished there was a crunching sound and recognizing the odor, the fox ran away. Not realizing what was approaching the lion stayed under the tree too afraid to move. And then from the clearing a tusker stepped out, looking angry like always. Seeing the lion looking pathetic and helpless he charged towards the lion. The lion never saw an angry elephant as all the elephants at the circus were pleasant looking and friendly and in utter fear he gave out an agonizing cry.

The elephant stopped astounded, the cry had become a roar that thundered through the entire forest. Every animal ran to hide themselves and the fox was never to be seen.  The elephant turned around and raced away into the trees. 

“Now you are a true King”, commented an old monkey from a tree branch. The lion realized that to become a King was not in mere words but in actions and understood his true potentials. That was his first roar, and the sheer power that pulsated through his veins forced him to give out one more thundering roar more powerful than the first and he knew within that he had truly become a King.

           

           

Every being hides in itself an innate potential, a unique power. No matter how hard the people around us try to suppress our potentials they will surely spring out at one time or the other. The secret is to hold on to our potentials once we realize what they are. To know oneself and to accept one’s talents and powers is the key role to success. 

Inferiority complex - The Enemy Is YOU

"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people"

Carl Jung

Who doesn't have an inferiority complex? Everyone does, but if others believe that you have an inferiority complex it just means that you have a slightly higher degree of this feeling than others. And, this is not a disease. Inferiority complex is simply your way of identifying what you lack. This is also your failure in understanding what you can and have. 

Think of an “ideal you”, now genuinely evaluate what and who you are, and very simply subtract the “real you” from the “ideal you”, this gap is the cause of an inferiority complex. When your concept of the ideal you is reduced from fantasies and starts to coincide with reality, your inferiority complex will thin out just as quick. The problem is that “you rate yourself far too low”. 

The very first step to reducing your inferiority complex is to identify and accept your limitations. Knowing your limitations will either let you realize that everything is not meant for you or else will force you to improve yourself, in both ways you can reduce your expectation of yourself. After all, no one can be that larger than life superhero you see in the movies.

The next step is to know what reality is and to think practically. Think about your dream of the “ideal man”. It must be a millionaire, who is a saint, very helpful and has super human strength, lives on the top of a mountain and always helps people, who’ll have a super hot wife and super cute kids. That ideal man would go to work every day, come back home early, go to parties, is the center of attention, he paints, sings, dances well and so on. Now just think how many of these are self-contradictory! A saintly person abhors wealth and money and especially family and so opposite from what a millionaire is. If you live in the mountains how will you always get to the city to work and save people? If you get home early how will you ever be in parties where you can be the center of attention? Most of them are paradoxes. So the easy way is to strike off almost half of them. It is childish to wanting to be everything and to do everything.

The most crucial method to reduce your inferiority complex is to appreciate what you are. Because then the desires of wanting more subsides by many fold. When you can excel in one task rather than doing ok in ten other tasks, you have to appreciate yourself for doing at least one thing in the best possible way and excelling everyone else in it. After all what good are you to the world or yourself if you don’t love yourself.

If you feel that you are not good at something, find and alternate quality in which you can outshine others. Shakespeare wanted to be an actor, but when he couldn't be what he wanted to, he simply wrote and have never been excelled in the field eversince. We often notice that a child who fails in mathematics will be extra ordinary in languages or sports or in arts. It always helps hence to develop a quality that can efficiently eclipse your limitations. Nobody can be good in everything and everyone can’t be good in nothing.

Just remember the fact; if you have a bad case of negative complex, the enemy is YOU who is depreciating yourself. Give away the dreams and step into the reality, know yourself and believe in yourself. No fantasy can and will replace you; or else, atleast try to improve.